October 1, 2001

today - the first day of the tenth month - the cards said it would happen....and today was the day marked on my...

but i never imagined it would be like that........how could he lie to us like that? Why?  i need some answers,

Oct 2

he called today - furious  - its not like he gave us any choice - but now, the more i think about it, its starting to sink in how truly horrible the situation was, and is, and i 'm asking myself how i could have done that.....how did i let him take advantage of me like that

my anger is buiildiing and i need to feed, but i can't go out - not yet, not until sarah gives me the signal - we are too close to blow it now

October 5, 2001

i'm weak today - its been 5 days since my last feeding - i can barely drag myself out of bed - i know if i don't get out there now, i could be stuck here for a long time....but the events of last week are too much.  I know he's coming.

i'm not scared anymore - but i'm so hungry - i know i could call him and he would feed me

and Sarah, what about Sarah - where is she?